As We Are

by Pam Shaffer

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1.
02:55
2.
04:29
3.
03:27
4.
03:33
5.
02:36
6.
03:07
7.
02:51
8.
02:58
9.
03:43
10.
03:31

about

This is an album based on the diaries of Anais Nin from the 1930's. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to everyone who saw this dream become a reality. To Damian, for manning the boards and steering this ship even when the winds blew in opposite directions. To the amazing musicians Nick Mancini, Kaveh Rastegar, Paul Cartwright, Hiro Gado, Jonah David, Chris Price and Evan Vidar for taking my words and transforming them into sonic textures. To my friends, who all contributed to this album in the form of moral support or in some cases, stunning photography, hours of pin-curling and a pinch of graphic design. To my family, who put up with me being just a little bit odd all the time. To my Kickstarter supporters, without whose support this album would not have been possible and to whom I am forever grateful. Lastly, to Anais Nin, who wrote the words that inspired this album and who continues to inspire me every day.

credits

released 24 September 2010

All songs written by Pam Shaffer
Performed by:
Pam Shaffer - piano, vocals, wurlitzer, harmonium, marxophone, autoharp, organ, omnichord
Damian Anthony - Programming/Drums
Nick Mancini - Vibraphones
Chris Price - Guitar, Juno
Evan Vidar - Guitar
Kaveh Rastegar - Bass
Jonah David - Drums
Paul Cartwright - Violin
Hiro Gado - Violin
Produced by Damian Anthony and Pam Shaffer
Engineered by Damian Anthony
Recorded at Pam Shaffer's home, Damian and Shawn's Cave Studios, 3:20 Studio and Eagle Rock Studios
Mixed by David Peters
Mastered by Gil Tamazyan at Capsule Labs
Photography by Matt Sayles

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about

Pam Shaffer Los Angeles

Pam is a singer of lullabies sprung from a sunken pirate ship, a pixie with a haunting voice, nimble fingers, and a killer shoe collection.

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Track Name: Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
I'm enchanted by your writing and I've fallen in love
With the streets of your Paris and all the cafes you speak of
Henry Oh Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
Henry Oh Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
I've made all of your favorite foods and you'll say it's not real
But I did it just for you so you'll stay by my side
Henry Oh Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
Henry Oh Henry
Henry Oh Henry
Why don't you come to Louveciennes?
We could sit by the fire and read from those diaries
that I wrote as a child so long ago drifting at sea
Track Name: June
Your bracelets weigh heavily on my wrist
They jangle and they pull
On my delicate hands like you pull on my heart with your
Tangled words your dancers legs
Kick through my thoughts battering out all my sense of
Doubt of the long I feel when you leave
That careless hole I see on your sleeve
June June June You're like a heady perfume
June June June
I'm drowning in you
June June June you escape to soon
June June June
my sweet June
That haunting kiss you left on my lips
still lingers still tingles still taunts me so
Our fingers entwined on the long cab ride home
Daring to twist and turn on each other my love of the man you call your
own and how you wanted him to make you the hero
Though you run away sail across the sea from me
June June June You're like a heady perfume
June June June
I'm drowning in you
June June June you escape to soon
June June June
my sweet June
Track Name: Artaud
Seeing you writhe in pain in the large lecture hall
With nervous laughing bouncing all around
You kissed all the ladies hands
knowing they did not comprehend
How duality torments you
Through the opiate haze

I came dressed for war
All crimson pewter fire
Still you offered me a monk's promise
Devoid of pain and pyre
Devoid of secrets

Raving like a lunatic as calm as the night
Walking by the river with the moon in your eyes
You're nothing to fear
No threat to me
Yet you fancied me a temptress then
Oh which am I you can't decide
An angel or a liar

I came dressed for war
All crimson pewter fire
Still you offered me a monk's promise
Devoid of pain and pyre
Devoid of secrets

We're nothing but a collection of words
Strewn across the pages
Waiting for time to erase us
Efface us in it's wake
Track Name: Otto Rank
Beneath the veneer of an analyzed man
lies a tired boy sleeping
dreaming of freedom
dotted with freckles
speckled by dirt in his overalls
dreaming...
Escape from this world

In your brown eyes
I can play, I can dream
In your brown eyes
I can come home again
I can be whole again
I can come home again
to you my love

Animus cradled in anima's hands
the juice of creation
defeated neurosis
the battle was waged
Paris cross Atlantic
Now we're here in our dollhouse
Our play set New York

In your brown eyes
I can play, I can dream
In your brown eyes
I can come home again
I can be whole again
I can come home again
to you my love

You're the Huck to my Puck
in our deep-seated office
The Huck to my Puck
in my red Russian dress
When you weep in my absence
When we caress

In your brown eyes
I can play, I can dream
In your brown eyes
I can come home again
I can be whole again
I can come home again
to you my love
Track Name: Hugo
Light and darkness
side by side
I felt like a child bride
Seeing you glow with pride
I knew there was much to hide from you
Hugh
You, Hugh

Don't think I forgot about you
Astrologer, banker, husband too
Don't think I'd neglect you
My sweet simple darling Hugh
Oh you, Hugh

Writing this diary while you sleep
Your innocence makes me weep
My love for you runs so deep
Covering secrets that I keep from you
Hugh
You, Hugh

Because of you I have this home
Because of you I can be free
Because of you I'm shattered and torn
Because of you I scream silently

Don't think I forgot about you
Astrologer, banker, husband too
Don't think I'd neglect you
My sweet simple darling Hugh
Oh you, Hugh
Track Name: Gonzalo
Your dark hair combed back
Your coal eyes burning
You complete the image
I hold in the mirror
The promises made
In untouchable darkness
Each simple touch an act of worship
Each kiss transports me to another realm
For three men I've worn this dress
But only you comprehend

You speak to me the language of my blood
The ancient past comes boiling through my veins

Your jealousy fills me with duplicitous devotion
The rage you feel intoxicates me deeply
Your pudeur
Your modesty
Enlighten elate me guiding me
To a place of passivity
Tossing aside pagan robes
Reclaim the innocence I lost
Long ago

You speak to me the language of my blood
The ancient past comes boiling through my veins

You pace like a lion 'round the edge of my dreams
Inflamed by caresses
That possess us both
You control me completely
Penetrate the core of my soul

You speak to me the language of my blood
The ancient past comes boiling through my veins
Track Name: Nanankepichu
Black tar might crumble on your feeble roof
Lights may sway and burn themselves out
Nothing shines brighter than this tiny houseboat
Magical space the keeps me afloat
Stepping of earth and into the water

Nanankepichu my secret Inca garden
Nanankepichu the jewel of the sea

Big wooden beams belie the strength
Of this hiding place palace for our dreams
With curtains draped and alcoves made
We pass through time in subterranean ways
Rocked by the current of distant waves
Byzantie lamp sways above my head

Nanankepichu my secret Inca garden
Nanankepichu the jewel of the sea
Home that is not a home on the banks of the river Seine
Rescuing me again and again
Track Name: Father
I came to your room
a woman enflamed
To hide the child
still calling your name
Embark on this journey
break all the taboos
Forsake all my sanity
Just to lie with you

My papa, mon pere
How I wept for you
My prayers went unanwered
My love lost unseen

Le roi de soleil
My double my twin
Nowhere to stop
Nowhere to begin
Unholy affairs
of body and mind
The glass has been shattered
Step on through to the other side

My papa, mon pere
How I wept for you
My prayers went unanwered
My love lost unseen

Love that is poisoned
cruel unreality
Je n'ais plus de dieu
You lost God in me

My papa, mon pere
How I wept for you
My prayers went unanwered
My love lost unseen
Track Name: Anais
Oh my loves you think that you know me
The reflection, the gazes, the portrait that you see
Are a fragment, are a shadow, are a mere facet of me
The wholeness that you seek simply cannot be
There are far too many stories for just one reality

I'm a steel-winged-hummingbird
Strength hides in my beauty
I'm the darkness and the light
Dance in duality

Piscean attunement adrift on the lunar sea
Consumed by my desires and emotionality
Siana Linotte and Imagy
Only the diary holds these parts of me
Humble writer, wife, lover to be
All these embers burning freely

I'm a steel-winged-hummingbird
Strength hides in my beauty
I'm the darkness and the light
Dance in duality


All the lies that I create
The stories that I weave
Are meant to preserve our love
Not knowing you're deceived

I'm a steel-winged-hummingbird
Strength hides in my beauty
I'm the darkness and the light
Dance in duality
Track Name: Diary
In my dream I had a choice
Beautiful visions, enchanting music
I cast them aside for I chose you
The art of putting pen to paper
Rooted to a solid oak desk
Ghost of a muse by my side

Dive beneath the surface of thought
to swim past the conscious shore
come back with treasures from the deep
only to dive once more

Opium my sweetness
The keeper of all lies
From you I cannot hide
the depth I hold inside

My constant companion
my only true friend
you hold the elusive map
the guide for my soul
Navigate the heart
integrate the mind
leave the body intact
so the mystery remains

Only you have seen
what lies behind my placid eyes
Keep the dream alive
long after I die

Opium my sweetness
The keeper of all lies
From you I cannot hide
the depth I hold inside